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"Solitary Existence - A psychologists perspective "

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Single and ready to mingle? But what happens when the mingling is often with couples, lovers, twosomes? How can you hold your own without sticking out like a sore thumb or without feeling like you’re a fish out of water who cant be in his/her element? A large part of your ‘comfort’ would depend on how comfortable you are with you! And about what you ‘think’ of your solitary status. The meanings you ascribe to being solo, and the outlook you have to being ‘unattached’ will determine a great deal on how you adapt to ‘pairs’. For a large part of being at ease with ourselves depends on us! If by any chance you believe that being single equals being a ‘loser’, a ‘discard’, ‘useless’ – some amount of self-consciousness and apology will be writ large in your disposition. Your body language will reflect what you think! And don’t fool yourself into believing that pretence of a positive demeanor can be kept up for too long. For even veils lift, and our attitudes ‘expose’ us, no matter how many layers of ‘defenses’ we choose to clothe ourselves in! So, you haven’t found your partner yet. And the world thinks you too choosy. Or you’ve just been separated and people think the reasons trivial. Or you believe that you’re not ready for marriage, or, or, or. If the opinions of others is of so much significance and you aren’t sold on your own reasons for being single, how can you take pleasure in or be at ease in any situation? Question – why you need their endorsement? ‘Your’ reasons hold good for you, do people have to support or agree with them? Okay, you don’t conform to ‘norms’. So, why not learn to develop the backbone to stand ‘alone’? Much time awkwardness is a result of trying ‘to belong’ or ‘fit in’. Little realizing that even fits often misfit! Self-trust and a belief in your good sense for having chosen to remain single would go a long way in you being less diffident or ill at ease when thrown into ‘couple affairs’. Once you are okay with you – the way you are – socializing and circulating can be pleasurable and satisfying. And it doesn’t take much to strike up conversations. An attitude “I’m here to have fun” without believing that every chat has to be of high flowing philosophy and “I can indulge in banter” can help. As can open ended questions, curiosity in others interests, discussions about day-to-day issues, and of course talking about kids (however boring that might be for you!) will leave you with the reputation of being a great conversationalist. Never mind the fact that the couples did most of the conversing!

  • Be comfortable with you. Nothing is more stifling than a self-conscious, apologetic you!
  • Accept your single status gracefully. Trust your reasons as yours alone and do not demand affirmations for it.
  • Re-ascribe more sensible and realistic definitions to being solitary. Your meanings will determine your reactions.
  • Every engagement can be fun if you ‘allow’ it to be so.


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