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"Risk free Flirting "


Flirting can be defined as light lovemaking with no serious intention! And it seems to have become the practice amongst colleagues, work mates, and associates, albeit with a perception that it’s innocuous, safe and clean. With people who refrain from or show uneasiness about it often regarded as prudish, stuffy, and humorless. After all, “What’s there in a little ‘fun’ and why take frivolous teasing so seriously?” ask the ‘modernized’ and the ‘hip’. The question that arises however is, can there be harmless flirting? And can we really lay boundaries to prevent harmless seduction from becoming destructive, and safe allurement from becoming risky? The parameters are nebulous and fuzzy and moralists would decry these overtures as ‘wrong’ while religious believers would label it as ‘sinful’. Would the perspective of a mental health professional be condemnatory and judgmental? I’d hope not! For the issue isn’t about morality or wrongdoing – it’s about comprehending the motives for indulgence and asking core questions as to what effects these harmless ‘advances’ may have on personal and intimate life – assuming that people indulging in such behavior have goals of remaining passionately and intimately involved with one chosen one!

Lets take the first. Behind every flirtatious ‘come hither’ behavior is a person seeking validation. Because since his opinion about him/herself is rock bottom, the recognition (notwithstanding the method used to attain it) endorses that he is ‘worthy’. Compound that with a belief “I must be loved else I’m no good” and woe to all who believe that they haven’t been enough, hunt for it from a third person to feel less self-hating.

And now for some questions about its harmlessness. Ask, would there be no ramifications in the ‘equation’ between couples if partners ‘lightly’ dabbled in sweet nothings with an outsider? Would the ‘connect’ remain ‘chaste’ (not in a religious way but psychologically) with one partner getting satiation from external relations? What about the work and effort required for maintaining loving ties – would that be attempted by the person indulging in gratifying though flippant sex play? And what about the endeavor towards resolving issues, addressing breakdowns in communication and a whole gamut of other difficulties that spring up in any intimate encounter – would that be labored for?  “Hey, but that’s exactly it!” Flirting has none of the above ‘complications’ and ‘complexities’ and is so ‘undemanding’ and pleasant. It’s all so ‘easy’ and ‘cool’! (Pun intended) Sure it is – for the short-term! In the long haul would it hold good for cherished and intimate relations – that depends entirely on what you ‘value’!

  • When the outlook to fatherhood alters, hands-on parenting becomes a joyEverything has a price, flirtatious behavior being no exception. How and what kind of a price do you wish to pay for your ‘harmless’ advances
  • The motive for your indulgences had better be unearthed if you want to get to the bottom of what you do
  • Raise questions about your validation coming from an external source. Nothing can be more dangerous than seeking affirmations because no one can make you feel worthy except you
  • Wanting and being desirous of love is not quite the same as believing that you need it. By countering this assertion your behavior will be less self-defeating and more self-beneficial

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