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"How to come to know whether you are moving on or not "


What does moving on mean? It does NOT mean forgetting, nor does it mean shutting out of memory what happened. It is not burying the past and carrying on with life…. It is FORGIVING but NOT FORGETTING! Why not forgetting you may ask? Because it is humanly impossible to forget significant occurrences in one’s life. For some, death of a loved one is significant, for others ending a relationship, for still some, failure to achieve a coveted goal. What is significant for one need not be for another and one of the most damaging ways to ask a person to ‘move on’ is to dilute the significance of the occurrence and tell the person ‘Oh! What’s so bad about that?’ Trivializing occurrences – however inconsequential they may be to you – is not one of the best ways to help another cope. Forgetting also does not help because there may be good but hard lessons one can learn from the behavior patterns of oneself or others. Yes, we often cannot even move on from our own mistakes! To forget means to obliterate – and many a time lessons are learnt from past follies, in fact isn’t that the definition of intelligence? – The ability to profit from past experience? So if you’d forget how would you improve?

Forgiving – ah what is that? It is coming to accept that what has happened has, it cannot be changed or undone. What is, is, it cannot be otherwise! It means taking a non-blaming approach to things that have happened. If you blame you will stew in your own juices and will only singe yourself. Forgiving can also happen when one understands the reason why something happened. Was it due to ignorance on your part or the others? Due to limited intelligence? Or due to emotional disturbance? Most often you will see that unfortunate behaviors of others and self are triggered by emotional disturbance in the person – they are anxious, depressed, guilty, hurt, jealous and/or angry. Perspectives change if you realize why a person or you did what you did.

So how do you know when you are not moving on?

  1. When you continue to NOT accept reality.
  2. When you continue to blame – whether it’s yourself or others.
  3. When you try changing the things that you cant.
  4. When you don’t change the things that you can.
  5. When you believe that you are powerless and that you cannot choose your reactions.
  6. When you believe that you  are what you are you because of your past.

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